the signs as Parks and Rec quotes 

• Aries: Jogging is the worst! I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?
• Taurus: Oh, my God. These dogs are so cute. I WANT TO THROW UP AND KILL MYSELF.
• Gemini: I think that Comic Sans always screams 'fun'.
• Cancer: I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't.
• Leo: I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well.
• Virgo: Everything in my life is going wrong right now. Whose fault is this? I demand to know.
• Libra: I'm not interested in caring about people.
• Scorpio: Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. This is a nightmare.
• Sagittarius: No, no. That's too much responsibility for me. I gotta— I gotta find a way out of this.
• Capricorn: Yes. I am a hunter, and it's 'You' season.
• Aquarius: My anxiety has kept me up for over fifty hours.
• Pisces: I'm hungry and my legs are tired. It feels like I just exercised!